Dear Reader,

It can feel discouraging to feel like you’re behind all of your peers. The social media posts, the LinkedIn announcements, the school alumni newsletters, and even the occasional news article that reads: “She’s only 26 and is already making millions of dollars!”.

People glorify the young, praise the early retirement success story, and admire those who mark life’s checkboxes when they should.

And as they say, when you are not the subject of these stories, comparison can be the thief of joy.

How I reorient myself, when I feel behind

As humans, there is a strange obsession with defining and reaching life milestones — the Internet is full of articles like “30 Things To Do Before You’re 30” or “What You Should Have Accomplished by 50”.

We've made up an unspoken code and weaved it into society.

When I find myself thinking this way, there is something that helps me reorient myself, a concept known as oubaitori (桜梅桃李).

It’s a simple term, just a string of four kanji, the Japanese characters for sakura (桜), plum (梅), peach (桃), and apricot (李).

But I think about it all the time, the way these words are strung together.

What oubaitori means

What do fruits and flowers have to do with feeling behind in life?

Well, if you are knowledgeable about the seasons, you may have noticed it already.

What’s curious about these four things is that they all blossom different times during the spring.

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The plum trees are usually faster, reaching their peak blossom from late winter, where then the apricot and peach trees follow around March, and lastly the sakura trees in late spring.

Yet none of these blossoming seasons outlast another — they each have their own peak.

Finding acceptance in our own timeline

Oubaitori is an old Japanese saying about understanding that we each move at our own pace. Like how there is no need to compare the plum tree to the sakura tree, it is much more fruitful to focus on growing oneself, at the pace one needs. People are not to-do lists nor races, and we have our own timing.

When we can find acceptance in our own timeline, we can find peace.

Like how nature trusts itself to grow and move forward as it should, there is comfort in the truth that we each also have our unique pace to go through life at.

You are not behind. Your time may come next week, next spring, next year, or in the next 10 years. But it'll come when you're ready.

So enjoy where you're at now and take your time!

It's worth it to savor the journey.

Warmly,

Kaki

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