Dear Reader,

Growing up, I thought my life was going to be predictable. There is a certain structure and rhythm to life that many of us follow when we’re young - go to school, get good grades, graduate, get a job, and build a family.

So it was very humbling for me when the pandemic challenged all of my expectations.

The pandemic was a while ago. I mean, it happened 5 years ago now, but a lot of us are still affected by what happened then. I certainly am.

The 2 things we always have within our control

Five years ago, I uprooted my life in the United States to return home to Japan. I had no job prospects, was living with my parents, and was growing ever more desperately by the day. I felt stuck, anxious, and lost.

But five years ago is also when I began to take my writing seriously. It’s the year I got noticed by an editor, and signed my first book publishing deal. I connected with a group of people I never imagined I could reach, whose support I’m incredibly grateful for.

Which made me realize that in life, everything in life is uncertain. This is a scary thought, but for every single person on this planet at any given time, we do have 2 things within our control:

1. Our emotions
2. Our actions

How to control our emotions

When I think of controlling my emotions, I don’t actually mean willing myself to think a certain way, or rejecting emotions that are uncomfortable. In fact, it’s kind of the opposite - to notice and accept everything that comes up.

It’s an important theme in Zen Buddhism, but mindfulness is a common practice in many belief systems and thought practices.

The idea is that when we suppress or judge our feelings, we add an unnecessary layer of struggle (“I shouldn’t feel this way.”), but when we accept them, we can observe and detach them from our identity, and open the door to curiosity (“I feel my heart is starting to race. It’s interesting that simply thinking things can create a physical response.”)

A helpful metaphor could be like trying to push a beach ball underwater, rather than letting it float downstream.

When we can control our emotions, we can control our actions

With acceptance we often experience some emotional distance, which allows us to feel our emotions with more control and kindness. And once our mind is in a more relaxed state, we’re more likely to take action that is thoughtful and responsible, than panicked or defensive.

Japanese ‘ukeire’ for finding acceptance

In Japanese, this perspective of acceptance is often referred to as “ukeire”.

Ukeire means that you don’t need to see the bright side of everything, but first, try finding acceptance in it. For a moment, allow the situation to be as it is, and relax in that peace.​

ukeire (受け入れ)：acceptance

​Some things are out of your control. Your problems don’t make you a failure, a bad person, or a burden to others. It just is.

And in that acceptance, we usually better understand how to move forward.

The most valuable skill in uncertain times

Five years ago, I didn’t realize it then but I see that my writing was a way to accept, navigate, and make sense of my experience. And because I accepted my experience and how I felt, I was able to act in a way that I could control - invest in my writing.

It was a pretty simple action, nothing too drastic, but the consequence of that was beyond my wildest hope.

Fortunately or unfortunately, the only certainty we will have in this life is that everything is uncertain. But within our possession we will always have two tools within our control: The ability to control our emotions and actions.

It’s simple, but we may discover it’s just the thing we need to turn uncertainty into opportunity.

What's been feeling out of your control these days?

Is it something you feel you could meet with kindness and acceptance?

Warmly,

Kaki

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