Dear Reader,

It's February! I kind of love February, even though it's still too cold and gets dark too early to do much. It means I have more time to myself, which is a cherished kind of time for me these days.

But the thing about February is it's just about the time when I'm shown (possibly harsh) truths about any goals I had set for myself at the end of last year.

Am I making progress?

Have I hit any of my goals?

Does quitting make me a failure?

I believe challenging yourself is a kind of self-care, but if not done with love and patience, it can be super stressful to think about.

But it really doesn't need to be.

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A Japanese perspective on determination and resolution

We all hear about the lessons around never giving up, but it's not always the right wisdom we need.

There is a Japanese proverb that roughly translates to, “To let go is nourishment for the soul”.​

It doesn’t mean to give up at the slightest bit of challenge or resistance, but that instead of dwelling on what we didn’t follow through with, it is much healthier for us to let go and move on, without regret. There is no shame in giving up.

It’s part of life.

We actually already know this in some parts of our life. For example, most people understand that quitting a job is an important part of career growth. Unless you were in a lucky minority that found the perfect position from the first time trying, it was necessary.

But when it comes to things like say, personal health, we often don’t see it the same way.

When someone stops working out at the gym, it’s labeled a moral failure. When someone discontinues their fitness classes, it’s seen as a lack of determination. If someone gives up on following their new diet, we don't really celebrate that.

There have been entire ad campaigns criticizing and shaming people who decide to join the gym, but then fail to go.

Even if we don’t judge others for quitting, we will still often condemn ourselves.

We quit a job when it is making us miserable, stressed, tired, and depressed, and we do so with relative self-compassion. It doesn’t mean we hate working or that we’re lazy, we just accept that some jobs are not for us. We look to find something better.

We should extend this same self-compassion to goals regarding our personal health as well. Not just out of kindness to ourselves, but to recognize that quitting can be an important part of the process of personal development.

Like how quitting a job is not the same thing as giving up on financial independence, quitting the gym is not the same thing as giving up on your health.

We can try, quit, and then look for something better suited to us.

So if you’re struggling to meet a goal or resolution you’ve set for yourself a while back, take a minute to reflect on whether it’s still serving you.

We deserve to find something we enjoy, feel good about, and look forward to doing– not to drudge through life because it’s “healthy” for us.

A wonderful part of life is our differences, and consequently that means that there is no single best way to live– so reward yourself for simply trying, celebrate quitting, and look for something better.

Because when we pursue choices that are a better fit for ourselves, the journey can become a joy.

Warm regards,

Kaki

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