Dear Reader,

How have you been recently?

Sometimes, we have tough weeks. It's not always a “one really bad thing happened to me” sort of tough, but sometimes we find the setbacks we usually accept with compassion, begin to morph into a tsunami of self-loathing.

It almost seems silly writing it out like this, but sometimes that mean voice can feel so real.

Learning from Japanese values of acceptance

Being told to just “be positive”, while well-intentioned, can be considered its own form of rejecting our negative feelings.

Ironic as it is, sometimes the pressure to love yourself and be positive can feel overwhelming, and morph into its own form of criticism when you aren’t able to take on that optimistic outlook.

Contrary to that, when it comes to managing life’s challenges, Japanese culture is often not about being positive all of the time, but takes on the perspective of acceptance, or ukeire.

Ukeire (受け入れ)

Acceptance

You don’t need to see the bright side in everything, but first, try finding acceptance in it. Allow yourself to be as you are, and relax in that peace. Let it come, let it flow through you.

Applying self-care when you’re hurting

Like how we don’t ignore the pain and start twisting ourselves when we hurt our back, instead of letting negative thoughts run rampant, you want to calm it down.

Interrupt the negative thoughts, but in a way that is accepting of how you feel.

1. Text or call trusted loved ones

We can’t listen to others and also listen to ourselves. So call someone you trust, and have them interrupt your inner voice– explain how you feel and why, and I guarantee that they will start defending you and protecting you from whatever thoughts you may be carrying.

2. Take deep breaths

Breathe in kind and warm thoughts, breathe out the harsh and cold ones. Try visualizing it. You can think of it as a sort of cleansing.

3. Start writing anything

You can write about the situation, you can write about how you feel. You can write a letter to a childhood-version of yourself, or a version of yourself when you’re 100 years old.

And once the thoughts are down on paper, you might find the thoughts are no longer stuck in your head.

4. Move your body

It doesn’t need to be a full workout, but even a few jumping jacks, a walk outside, or some chores around the house with your favorite music on can help.

5. Sleep

Chances are you’re sleep- or rest-deprived. If you’re also battling a headache, dizziness, and fatigue, your mental health also becomes harder to heal.

The brain’s bandwidth is low, so recharge and rest, and let the overheating subside.

***

Instead of judging our thoughts and further criticizing ourselves, if we lean in with compassion and start by just interrupting and redirecting our negative thoughts, we can stop the spiral. Eventually we can learn to treat ourselves as a loved one, and do our own self-soothing.

I remember reading somewhere that one of the kindest things you can do for someone else is to listen without judging.

But it’s also probably the kindest thing you can do for yourself.

Warm regards,

Kaki

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